With a new year, comes new year resolutions, that most may or may not be maintained. For me, I’ve given up on resolutions as they usually happen to be something along the lines of exercising more, which, I find myself doing at some point throughout the year. (Plus, being in University, the gym always ends up being super packed during the New Year and before Spring Break, so I don’t even bother anymore).
In the past 4 months that I’ve been living by myself, I’ve come to terms with a lot of things that I’ve been dealing with or have finally come to learn about myself. Throughout the year of 2017, I’m hoping to work on them and thought I’d share with you my struggles.
If you’ve ever met me, hung out with me or even talked to me, you may soon realize that I’m a really stubborn person. I’m not one to completely listen to one’s opinions unless they’re my own. For me, the only way I learn is from my mistakes and by seeing first hand what the issue is. While, it may be a good thing that I learn from my mistakes, it ends up with me taking the longer road to a goal that may have been accomplished a long time ago if I listened to others.
2. Suppressing Feelings
Another flaw of mine is holding it all in. While I’m not great at suppressing my feelings in my facial expressions; I tend to not discuss the inner workings of my brain and what’s going on through my head. I’ve always been a fairly independent closed-off person, who prides herself on doing and accomplishing things on her own, which, makes opening up to others fairly difficult.
I recently hung out with a close friend of mine who mentioned that it’s okay to discuss everything I’ve been holding in. While, I found it difficult to finally open up on what’s going on in my life, it was pretty relieving to let it all go. Even though, I didn’t fully discuss every single aspect of my life since I was borderline on the verge of tears and we were in an aesthetically pleasing coffee shop (you’re never going to see me cry in an Instagram-worthy public place), it was a nice reminder that I wasn’t alone and that someone was always willing to listen.
I grouped these two together because I think they work hand in hand with one another. (This is going to be a long one) Ever since I began living on my own, I’ve come to realize that I’m finally coming to terms with my body. As someone with high metabolism and has always been called ‘skinny,’ the body part that I always struggled with were my legs. They’re longer than my torso, which is something that I love but they’re skinny. Growing up, they’ve been described as chicken legs (even by me), and I was always self-conscious about them.
But since living on my own, I’ve come to really appreciate them and even admire the days I put myself through leg day at the gym because even though they’re thin, I know they hold a lot of strength in them. Another struggle that I’m slowly coming to terms with are my stretch marks.
I know, I know, you may be wondering where on Earth would I even have stretch marks. But, believe me, my butt has a whole different story for you all. Society will always discuss cellulite and how to get rid of it and all that. While, I don’t have cellulite (yet, and hopefully never), I do have stretch marks which, used to bother me because they meant my skin didn’t look nice and smooth. But, I’ve grown to like them because it shows that I’ve been through phases of growth.
I think the biggest factor that has contributed to self-love in my life is literally walking around the house naked. I have no shame and literally living on my own has made me more confident in my body.
When it comes to self-worth, it’s definitely something that needs to start from the inside like self-love. As someone who has been through an emotionally and mentally draining relationship, you’ll end up coming out thinking that you’re not worth much and that no one will love you as much as they did. But, here’s the thing, you were an independent person before you were in that relationship, and at the end of the day, you’ll be a stronger person out of the relationship because you know that there is someone out there worthy of your time. Coming out of that relationship taught me a lot about how I deserve to be treated and that it wasn’t my fault the relationship took the turn it did.
I’ve always been one to stay up late but in the past year, I’ve really messed up my sleep schedule. The latest I used to sleep would be 2 or 3 am, but in the past months, I wouldn’t go to sleep until some time between 4 and 6 am.
While, I don’t have a full explanation on why my sleep schedule is like this, it has contributed to my sleep deprivation throughout the day and my issues with waking up. As a super heavy sleeper, I still sleep past my alarm clocks that are blaring on the opposite side of the room or I wake up to turn them off and go back to bed, ending with me waking up hours later and wondering why my alarm didn’t go off. This affects my ability to go to class on time, and the possible chance that I show up late to an in-class test (which, my classmates actually called me to make sure I was awake for).
There’s not much for me to do but to force myself to go to bed at an earlier time and hope that I can get into the habit of sleeping earlier.
If we’ve ever met, or just by the looks of my Instagram feed (check it out here), you’ll know that I’m a heavy spender. Literally, every. single. pay check goes towards shopping and buying make up that I’ll probably use once and barely ever again. While, I do use some products religiously, I own a lot of products that I’ll give into due to the hype and use only on special occasions or on the weekends when I don’t have to go to class.
My spending habits are through the roof and ever since I bought my plane ticket to Tokyo and Hong Kong this May, I’m really trying to cut back on my spending and save the money for this trip because I know that I’ll be spending a lot when I’m in Asia. Although, there’s only so much I can save because I’m hoping to pick up some more camera gear so I can get the best photos out of this trip as possible.
There it is. My top 5 struggles in life, I know that there are probably more things that I struggle with and that no one is perfect but these are the things that I hope to work on the most, not even just this year but in general. It won’t be easy and it won’t be something that I can achieve overnight, or even in a few months, but I can only take one day at a time and hope for the best.
Are there any things that you hope to better yourself in?